Who needs prayers ?

A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing. They keep saying "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?"




"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed. "But I do have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots to whom I have taught to pray and read the bible.




My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."




So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male alking Parrots, and the female parrots say, " Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?"




One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and screams, "Put your Bible away Idiot, our prayers have been answered!!!! !!!"

Grew up Speaking English

Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English;

1) The bandage was wound around the wound .

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) There is no time like the present, he said it was time to present the present .

8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear .

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt .

FACTS OF LIFE

SHARING AS RECEIVED




Porpoises and chimpanzees enjoy engaging in group sex.




Bizarrely, mouse sperm is longer than elephant sperm.




Male penguins only ejaculate once a year.




Hamsters are very sexually active, having sex up to 75 times a day.




The average chimpanzee takes only 10 seconds to copulate.




Fish practice fellatio.




The female mantis eats its mate's head during sex ? And the male mantis finishes the sex act without it.




Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure, rather than just reproduction.




In his lifetime, the average male will ejaculate about half a trillion sperm.




On average, men think about sex every 7 minutes.




According to research, people who have sex once or twice a week have better immune systems.




The technical term for the missionary position is Venus observa.




The average male erection is 5.5? To 6? Long.




For every 35lb of extra weight a man has, his penis will appear to be one inch smaller.




Most men and women experienced their first orgasm on their own.




Men reach their sexual peak in their late teens.




Women reach their sexual peak in their early 30s.




On average, men ejaculate about one tablespoon of sperm each time they have sex.




On average, it takes men only 6 minutes to reach orgasm.




The record for female orgasms in one hour is a massive 134.




The record for male orgasms in one hour is 16.




A fetish where people are aroused by licking an eyeball is called oculolinctus.




Quotations About Sex




I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. --- Tom Clancy




You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither. --- Steve Martin




Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. --- Woody Allen




Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. --- Rodney Dangerfield




There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL. --- Lynn Lavner




Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist. --- Matt Barry




Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. --- George Burns




Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant. --- George Burns




Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships. --- Sharon Stone




My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading. ---Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computer)




My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. --- Jack Nicholson




Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is. --- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady) (and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humour)




Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. --- Robin Williams




Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.--- Roseanne




Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.--- Billy Crystal




According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. --- Robert De Niro




There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? --- Dustin Hoffman




There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, "I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked." --- Jerry Seinfeld




Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. --- Rod Stewart

Sex Education

A elderly, single, third grade teacher was informed she would have to teach sex education.




She was quite upset and refused the assignment. She didn't think she would actually be able to talk about the subject. Eventually, she changed her mind as the alternative was to be fired.




On the first day of school she drew a woman's body on the blackboard, pointed to the chest and asked the class " Does anyone know what this is called?"




Jane, who was sitting in the first row, raised her hand and answered "It's called a 'breast' and my mommy has two of them!"




"Very good," said the teacher. Then she drew a male body on the board, pointed to the groin, and asked " Does anyone know what this is called?"




This time Billy raised his hand. "I know what it is! It's called a 'penis' and my daddy has two of them."




"That's the right name," said the teacher, but I don't think your daddy has two of them."




"Yes he does!" said Billy. "He has a little one that he uses to pee, and big one he brushes mommy's teeth with !"

Birthday Suit

It was 5 o'clock in the morning at the U.S. Marine boot camp, well below freezing,




And the soldiers were asleep in their barracks. The drill sergeant walked in and bellowed,




"This is a birthday suit inspection! I wanna see you all formed up outside and butt naked now!"




The soldiers quickly jumped out of bed, naked and shivering, and ran outside to form up in their three ranks.




The sergeant walked out and yelled, "Close up the ranks and conserve your body heat!" The soldiers complied and moved closer together.




The captain appeared with his swagger stick. He walked up to the first soldier and whacked him right across the chest. " Did that hurt?" he yelled. "No, Sir! " "Why not?" "Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"




The captain then walked up to the next soldier and whacked him right across the chest. " Did that hurt?" he yelled. "No, Sir!" "Why not?" "Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"




The captain was rather impressed with the toughness of the soldiers; so he walked up to a third soldier.




The captain noticed that the soldier had an enormous erection, so naturally he gave his target a huge whack with the swagger stick. " Did that hurt?" he yelled. "No, Sir! "




"Why not?" "Because it belongs to the guy behind me, Sir! "

The perfect husband

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club. After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.

Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

(H - Husband, W - Wife)

H - "Hello ?"



W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club? "

H - "Yes."

W -"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"

H -"What's the price?"

W - "Only $1,000."

H - "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."

W -"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2005 models. I saw one I really liked. It's a SLK model. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price. And since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year...

H - "What price did he quote you?"

W - "Only $65,000..."

H - "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

W - "Great! But before we hang up, something else...

H -"What?"

W - "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beach front property."

H - "How much are they asking?"

W - "Only $450,000 -- a magnificent price.. .and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."

H - "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?"

W - "OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"

H - " Bye...I love you too..."

The man hangs up & closes the phone's flap. The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision. The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks " Does anyone know who this Cell phone belong to???"

One liner Jokes

Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."

******

"What did one ghost say to another?"
"Do you believe in people?"

******

My friend has a fine watch dog.
At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.

******

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

******

"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"
" Please wait someone else is using it."

******

When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

******

"Where did you get those big eyes?"
"They came with the face."

******

I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls .

******

But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.

******

It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!

******

"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."
"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."

******

"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"
"Yes if you're lucky."

******

A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.

******

"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."

******

I was thinking of becoming a doctor.
I have the handwriting for it.

******

"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
" You're lucky. My wife does."

******

We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.

******

"What do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best. "

******

"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"

******

"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."

What Are They..!?

1) If we say 'MUMMY', they come together & go apart when we say DADDY':
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
LIPS


*********

2) What goes up & never comes down:
.


.
.
.
.
.
.
.
AGE


*********

3) Patches over patches but no stitches :
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
CABBAGE


*********

4) What is that we cannot see, but is always before you:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
FUTURE


*********

5) What goes up & down a hill, but never moves:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
ROAD


*********

6) You can never wet it:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
SHADOW


*********

7) What belongs to You, but used by your friends more often you do:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
YOUR NAME

Doctors !

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.




The older doctor suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complained, " I've been a little sick to my stomach."



The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why don't you cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"

As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"




"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."


"Hmmm,!" the younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house."


Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did.

"I'm feeling terribly run down lately."




"You've probably been doing too much extra work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."

As they left, the elder doc said, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?




"Well, just like you did at the last house , I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed.

Hearing Problem

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid .

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.


Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her , and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.


"That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den.



He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens ." then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?" No response.



So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"



Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?"


Again he gets no response so; He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her.


"Honey, what's for dinner?"


"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN !"

Wow! Technology

A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialing numbers...



Like a telephone... On his hand and talking into his hand. The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any trouble here.




The guy says, "You don't understand. I'm very hi-tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the cellular."




The bartender says "Prove it ."




The guy dials up a number and hands his hand to the bartender. The bartender talks into the hand and carries on a conversation. "That's incredible," says the bartender. "I would never have believed it!"







"Yeah," said the guy, "I can keep in touch with my broker, my wife, you name it. By the way, where is the men's room?" The bartender directs him to the men's room. The guy goes in and 5, 10, 20 minutes go by and he doesn't return.







Fearing the worst given the neighborhood, the bartender goes into the men's room. There is the guy spread-eagle on the wall. His pants are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper up his butt.




"Oh my god!" said the bartender. "Did they rob you? Are you hurt?"



The guy turns and says: "No, I'm ok . I'm just waiting for a fax."

Wife and Wine

A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him what Happened.


"I did a terrible thing ," sniffed the drunk, "Just a few hours ago I sold my Wife to someone for a bottle of Southern Comfort."


"That is awful," said the other guy, "And now that she is gone you want her back Right?"


"Right !" said the drunk, still crying.


"You're sorry you sold her because you realized, too late, that you still loved Her?"


"Oh, No, who the hell wants to love her," said the drunk. "I want her back Because I'm thirsty again!"

Wife and Whisky

A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him what Happened.


"I did a terrible thing ," sniffed the drunk, "Just a few hours ago I sold my Wife to someone for a bottle of Southern Comfort."


"That is awful," said the other guy, "And now that she is gone you want her back Right?"


"Right !" said the drunk, still crying.


"You're sorry you sold her because you realized, too late, that you still loved Her?"


"Oh, No, who the hell wants to love her," said the drunk. "I want her back Because I'm thirsty again!"

Hospital Window

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room .


One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room's only window.


The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.


The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.


Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.


The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.


The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.


As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene .


One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.


Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.


Days and weeks passed.


One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.


As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window . The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.


Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.


It faced a blank wall.


The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.


The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.


She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you ."


Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.

Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.

If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.

Test your Selves

So, take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it ." The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you have made your answer.



OK, relax, clear your mind and ... Begin. WELL, MAYBE NOT THAT CLEAR!



1. What do you put in a toaster?

.
.
.
.


.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.



*******


2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell " silk." What do cows drink?


.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.



Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat.

It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as Children's World. If you said "water"


Then proceed to question 3.



*******



3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?


.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.




Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," what the devil are you still doing here reading these questions??? ?? If you said "glass,"

Then! Go on to Question 4.



*********


4. Its twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany(If you will recall, Germanyat the time was politically divided into West Germanyand East Germany.)


Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germanyand West Germany.

Where would you bury the survivors? East Germanyor West Germanyor in "no man's land"?


.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.



Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else,

You are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors",

Then proceed to the next question.


*********


5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from Londonto MilfordHaven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on.

In Sweden, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.

In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on In Carmarthen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at MilfordHaven. What was the name of the bus driver?


.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.



Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!


********


Now pass this along to all your " smart friends" and hope they do better than you did.


(PS: 95% of people fail in most of the questions !!)

ROMANTIC HUSBAND

Husband and wife in bed together.

She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.

She: "Oh, that feels good. "

His hand moves to her breast.

She: "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful."

His hand moves to her leg.

She: "Oh, honey, don't stop."

But he stops.

She: "Why did you stop?"

He: "I found the remote."

Worst day of life

There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink . He stays like that for half-hour.


Then, this big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying.


The truck driver says: " Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying."


"No, it's not that. Today is the worst day of my life.


First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss, outrageous, fired me. When I left the building to my car,


I found out it was stolen.


The police, they said they couldn't do anything.


I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my wallet in the cab.


I got home only to find my wife was with the gardener.


I left home and came to this bar. When I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison ..."

The Secretary Interview

A boss has to interview four girls for a secretary's position.

He thought of a question and asked each one of them: "A woman normally has two mouths, What's the difference between the two?"

The first one answered: One can talk but the other can't.

Second answered: one is vertical and the other is horizontal.

Third answered: one is hairy, the other isn't.

The last one answered: One is for my use and the other is for my boss.

Boss: You're hired!

Secret of success

Sir, " What is the secret of your success?" a reporter asked a bank President.

"Two words."

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Right decisions."

"And how do you make right decisions?"

"One word.'

"And, sir, What is that?"

"Experience. "

"And how do you get Experience?"

"Two words"

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Wrong decisions ."

Principles of Life

* Winning isn't everything. But wanting to win is.


* You would achieve more, if you don't mind who gets the credit.


* When everything else is lost, the future stillremains.


* Don't fight too much. Or the enemy would know your art of war .


* The only job you start at the top is when you dig a grave.


* If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for everything.


* If you do little things well, you'll do big ones better.


* Only thing that comes to you without effort is old age.


* You won't get a second chance to make the first impression .


* Only those who do nothing do not make mistakes.


* Never take a problem to your boss unless you have a solution.


* If you are not failing you're not taking enough risks.


* Don't try to get rid of bad temper by losing it.


* If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.


* Those who don't make mistakes usually don't make anything


* There are two kinds of failures. Those who think and never do, and those who do and never think.


* Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.


* All progress has resulted from unpopular decisions.


* Change your thoughts and you change your world.


* Understanding proves intelligence, not the speed of the learning.


* There are two kinds of fools in this world. Those who give advise and those who don't take it.


* The best way to kill an idea is to take it to a meeting.


* Management is doing things right. Leadership is doing the right things.


* Friendship founded on business is always better than business founded on friendship .

Ravan and Pappu

Once pappu started praying ravan and after 1 year Ravan was very happy from the bhakti of Pappu. Then Ravan decides to give 3 vardan's to Pappu.

Ravan: "say vatsa what u want"

Pappu: "I want 100 vardan's "

Ravan: "but I can give u only 3 varas "

Pappu: "but I want 100 vardan's"

Ravan: "no child that's not possible "

Pappu: "no I wants 100 means 100"

Ravan: "no I can give u only 3 if u wants then take or else I m going .."

Pappu: "ok but what I will ask u will give me definetly?"

Ravan: "sure its promise from rakshas raj ravana"

Pappu: "1st vardan, convert urs GADA on shoulder to wodden

Bamboo stick"

Ravan: "tathastu " and his gada turns into a stick.

Pappu: "second var, put that stick in ur a**hole"..deep inside..!!

Ravan: (confused but........ )"tathastu" and in great pain asks pappu to ask for the third vardan ASAP...

Pappu: "now are you giving me rest 97 varas or should I convert that stick again to GADA ??" --

Shuddha Hindi Meaning For some English words

CRICKET : Gol guttam lakad battam de danadan pratiyogita


***********


CRICKET TEST MATCH : Pakad dandu, maar mandu, de danaadan pratiyogita


***********


TABLE TENNIS : Lakdi ke phalak shetra pe Le takaatak de takaatak


***********


LAWN TENNIS : Harit Ghaas par Le tada tad, de tada tad


***********


LIGHT BULB : Vidyut Prakashak Kanch golak


***********


TIE : Kanth Langoti


***********


MATCH BOX : Ragdampatti Agni Utpaadan Peti


***********


TRAFFIC SIGNAL : Aavat Jaavat Suchak Jhandaa


***********


TEA : Dugdh Jal Mishrit Sharkara Yukt Parvatiya(pahaadi) Booti


***********


TRAIN : Sahasra Chakra Louh Path Gaamini


***********


ALL ROUTE PASS : Yatr Tatr Sarvatr Gaman Aagya Patr


***********


RAILWAY SIGNAL : Loh Path Gamini Suchak Yantra


***********


RAILWAY SIGNAL : Agni Rath Aava Gaman Soochak Pattika


***********


RAILWAY SIGNAL : Louh path gaamini aawagaman suchak yantra


***********


RAILWAY STATION : Bhabhka Adda


***********


BUTTON : Ast Vyast Vastra Niyantrak


***********


MOSQUITO : Gunjanhaari Manav Rakt Pipasu Jeev


***********


CIGERETTE : Shweta patra mandit dhumra shalakha praveen.

Try to figure it out

See If You Can Figure Out What These Words Have In Common...... .

Banana

Dresser

Grammar

Potato

Revive

Uneven

Voodoo

.
.
.
Are You Peeking Or Have You Already Given Up?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Give It Another Try....













OK... Here You Go... Hope You Didn't Cheat.



This Is Cool.



SCROLL DOWN

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Answer:


In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word.

Did you figure it out?

Divorced Barbie

A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present.

He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager, "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"


The Manager replied, "Which one? We have
'Barbie goes to the gym' for $19.95,
'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95,
'Barbie goes shopping' for $19.95,
'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95,
'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95 and
'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00"


"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?, the father asked.

The store manager replied: "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat, Ken's furniture and all of Ken's savings."

Funny Meanings

Cigarette:

A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
***********

Love affairs:

Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
***********

Marriage:

It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
***********

Divorce:

Future tense of marriage
***********

Lecture:

An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
***********

Conference:

The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
***********

Compromise :

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
***********

Tears:

The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.. .
***********

Dictionary:

A place where divorce comes before marriage.
***********

Conference Room:

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
***********

Ecstasy:

A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
***********

Classic:

A book which people praise, but do not read.
***********

Smile:

A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
***********

Office:

A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
***********

Yawn:

The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
***********

Etc:

A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
***********

Committee:

Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
***********

Experience :

The name men give to their mistakes.
***********

Atom Bomb:

An invention to end all inventions.
***********

Philosopher :

A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
***********

Diplomat:

A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
***********

Opportunist:

A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
***********

Optimist :

A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.
***********

Pessimist:

A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
***********

Miser:

A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
***********

Father:

A banker provided by nature.
***********

Criminal:

A guy no different from the rest... Except that he got caught.
***********

Boss:

Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
***********

Politician:

One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
***********

Doctor:

A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills

Enna Aaga Poren...

Dhinamum Un Madi Meedhu
Uranga Aasai Dhan...
Mudivadhillai...
Enge En Urakathil
Unnai Pirindhu Viduveno Enru..!!!

Dhinamum Un Kai Korthu
Nadaka Aasai Dhan...
Mudivadillai...
Enge En Kanneerai Thudaika
Un Kaigal Illamal Poi Vidumo Enru..!!

Dhinamum Un Kan Paarthu
Sirika Aasai Dhan...
Mudivadillai...
Enge En Kanuvugal Kaatrodu
Kalandhu Vidumo Enru..!!

Dhinamum Unnodu
Irukka Aasai Dhan...
Mudivadillai...
Enge En Manam
Maranathai Vendru Vidumo Enru..!!

Sollavumillai....
Solla Povadhum Illai...
En Kanavugalil Nee Vandadhai..
Sonnal Puriyaamal Poi Vidumo Enru...

Therivadhum Illai...
Vilangavum Illai...
Naan Enna Aaga Poren Enru...!!!

Idhu Dhan Kadhala...

Inam Puriyatha Punnagai...
Purinthae Thavikum Idhayam...
Imaika Marukum Kangal...
Udhadu Pirikum Ragasiya Punnagai...

Solla Vanthum Sikki
Thavikum Varthaigal...

ivai than kadhala???

Parthathennavo Oru Nodi Dhan
Parkathudikiraen Ovvoru Nodiyum...

Unnai Ninaithu Padukaiyil Sainthaen
Thookam Tholaithu
Kanavugal Petrathai Maranthu...

Echil Vilungavae Kastapadugiraen
Un Ninaivai Vilungavae Aasai Padugiraen...

Boomi Panthu Thalai Keelai
Sutruvathai Unargiraen...

Unnai Thavirthu Anaithum
Asaivatru Nirpathai Arigiraen...

Idhu Dhan Kadhala???
Illai Illai Illavae Illai
Idhu Inam Puriyatha Sadal...

Un Ninaivugalai...

Nan Mattumalla...
Ne
Thudaittha En
Kai Kuttaium
Sumakiradhu
Un Ninaivugalai...

Enrum Irulil...

Boomiengum
Vidindhu Vittadhu...
Nan Mattum Innum
Irulil...

Enakkaga...

Unakkaga
Nan Vangiya
Rojakkal Anaithum
Irangal
Koottam Poduginrana...

Unnaldhal Anbe...

Ippozhudhan Anbe...
En Kanneer
Surappigal Olungai
Than
Velai Seigiradhu...

Ovvoru Nodium...

Unnai...

Parthathennavo
Oru Nodidhan...
Ippozhudhu
Ovvoru Nodium
Parkka Thedukiradhu
En Kangal...

Vizhi Thoondil...

Oru Meen Potta
Parvai Thoondilil
Sikki Kondavan...
Nan...

Unakkaga...

Enakkaga
Thai, Thanthai,
Udanpirappugal,
Uravinargal,
Nanbargal Ena
Anaivaraium Izhanthaye...

Ethanai Jenmam
Eduthalum...
Unnodudhan
Vazha Vendum...
Unakkagathan
Vazha Vendum...

Thaevai...

Silarukku Thaevai Dhehamdhan...
Avarathu Unarvoa Kaamamdhan...

Silarukku Thaevai Idhayamdhan...
Avarathu KaaDhal punitham thaan..

Mudiyadhu...

Poanaal Idhayam Thirumbaathu
Vaeroru Idhayam Porundhaathu...

Oru Muraithaan Ninaithu Vittaal
Marappathu Enbathu Mudiyaathu...

Un Ninaivugal....

Silar Vaasanaiku Aayiram Pookal...
Silar Vaasalukku Aayiram Kadhavugal...
Silar Vaazhum Varai Aayiram Uravugal...

Naan Saahum Varai
Un Oruthiyin Ninaivugal...

Pen Manadhai...

Kadal Mael Muthu Mithappathillai
Unmay Kaathalum Sulapamaay Kidaypathillai...

Pen Manadhai Aazham Enbaen
Kaathal Muthedukka Moozhgum Aangelenbaen...

Ennai Aerkkuma...

Endhan Mooche Needhaan Enbaen...
Endhan Vaazhve Kaadhal Enbaen...

Unmay Kaadhal Thoarkkuma...
Undhan Manam Ennai Aerkkuma...

Dhevadhaiyin Magal...

Dhavani Aninthidum
Pennkalil Aval Mattum...
Dhevadhaiyin Magal Enru Theariyum...
Enakku Mattume athuvum puriyum...

Avalai...

Avalai...
Bhramman Padaithu
Maraithu Vaithaan...
Thappi Vantha Penndhaan
Aval Yenpean...

Yenthan Kannil
Vizhuntha Avalai
Inimeal Vealiyea Vidamattean...

Puriyavillai???

Konjam Konjamai
Enakku Unnai Pidichirukku...
Yean Puriyavillai???

Konjam Konjamai
Enakkul Aasai Vandhathe...
Yean Puriyavillai???

Velaiyellam Maranthene...
Virumbiye Ninaithene...
Enakkulle Nulaindhaye...

Idhu Kadhal Thana...
Puriyavillai...???

Enna Idhu???

Aval Irula Illai Oliyaa...
Enakkul Kuzhappam...

Aval Virala Illai Nagama...
Chinna Thayakkam...

Enakkul Aval mella...
Avalukkul Naan Mella...
Nuzhainthadhu Sariya...???

Kadhal Varavillai...
Vandhuvida Vazhiyillai...
Vandhu Vittadha Puriyavillai...

Theriyavillai...

Yengo Irundhaal...
Ennul Nuzhaindhaal...
Eppadi Pugundhaal Theriyavillai...

Lesaai Sirithaal...
Lesaai Muraithaal...
Enna Ninaipo Theriyavillai...

Vazhakkam Pol Varugiraal...
Vambugalum Purigiraal...
Yenna Ninaippaal Theriyavillai...

Avalai Sollivittaal...
Avalai Oppukkondaal...
Thavaraa Enna? Theriyavillai...

Thool Tholaagiren...

En Kannodum...
En Nenjodu...
En Moochodum...
Neeyadi...

Kan kaanadha
Uyirodu Vaazhthaai...
Needhaanadi...

Adhu Neethaan Endru
Naan Andrey Kanden...

Antha Santhosathile
Nan Thool Tholaagiren...

Yeno..?

Un Pani Thuli
Ennai Sudugirathu...
Yeno..?

En Suriyan
Athil Urukuthu
Yeno..?

Ithu Ninavaai Thondrum
Kavavu...
Ithu Kalai Thonthrum
Nilavu...
Ithu Kannai Parithu
Pudhu Velicham Tharum Iravu...

Oh!!! Ithudhan Kadhala

En Kallaraikku...!!!

Nan Aasai Pattathennavo
Oru Malarukkuthan...
Aanal Pala Malargal Thedi vandhana
"En Kallaraikku...!!!"

Unakkagathan...

En Nilavu Kadhaliye!!!
Unakkagathan...
Ne Ulavum Pathaiyil
Natchathira Pookkalai
Thoovi Vaithullen...

Kaadhal...

Urangaamalae Ularal Varum...
Ithuthaano Aarambam???
Adadaa Manam Pariponathae...
Athilthaanoe Perinbam???
Kaadhal Azhagaanathaa...
Illai Arivaanaathaa???
Kaadhal Sugamaanathaa...
Illai Sumaiyaanaathaa???

Nan Rasittha Padal

Enna Satham Indha Naeram Uyirin Oliyaa
Enna Satham Indha Naeram Nadhiyin Oliyaa
Kiligal Muththam Tharudhaa
Adhanaal Saththam Varudhaa...Adadaa...

Kannaththil Muththaththin Eeram Adhu Kaayavillaiyae
Kangalil Yenandha kanneer Adhu Yaaraalae
Kanniyin Kazhuththai Paarththaal Manamaagavillaiyae
Kaadhalan Madiyil Pooththaal Oru Pooppoalae

Mannavanae Un Vizhiyaal En Vizhiyai Moodu
Aadharavaaych Chaindhuvittaal Aariraroa Paadu
Aariraroa Ivar Yaar Evaroa Badhil Solvaar Yaaroa

Koondhalil Nuzhaindha Kaigal Oru Koalam Poadudhoa
Thannilai Marandha Penmai Adhaith Thaangaadhoa
Udhattil Thudikkum Vaarththai Adhu Udaindhu Poanadhoa
Ullangal Thudikkum Oasai Isaiyaagaadhoa

Mangaiyival Vaaithirandhaal Malligaippoo Vaasam
Oadaiyellaam Un Peyarai Uchchariththae Paesum
Yaar Ivargal Iru Poongodigal Ilam Kaadhal Maangal

En Kadhaliye...

Ulagathil
Anbai Ethanalum
Alakka Mudiyadhu
Enbadhai...
Purindhu Konden
Un Anbal...

காதல்...

மனதுக்குள் கலவரம்...
விழிகளின் ஆயுதங்கள்
மாறி மாறி தாக்க
இதழ்களின் முத்தமோ
கலவரத்தை அடக்கியது!!!
இப்போது, என் வாலிப தேசத்தில்
அமைதியாய் பறக்கிறது
காதல் கொடி!!!

உயிர் கொல்லும் ஒரு சொல்..!!

ஊசி முனை கொண்டு
இதயத்தைக் குத்துவதைக் காட்டிலும்
பலத்த வலி என்பது இது...

செருப்பால் அறைவதைக் காட்டிலும்
கொடுந்தண்டனை என்பது இது...

பேசாமல் வதைக்கும்
மவுனத்தை காட்டிலும்
பேசிக் கொல்வது என்பது இது...

ஆழத்திலும் ஆழமான
என் நேசத்தையும்
மாற்றிக் கொள்ள இயலாத
என் மனத்தை
அறிந்து கொண்ட பிறகும் கூட
அண்ணா என்றே அழைக்கும்
ஆசைத் தோழியின்
அந்த ஒரு சொல்...

தொட்டி மீன்...

பார்த்து ரசித்துக் கொண்டே
போகிறார்கள் எல்லோரும்!!!
யாருக்கும் விடுவிக்கும் மனமில்லை...
மீன் நீரில் நீந்துகிறது...
மனிதன் அறியாமையில் நீந்துகிறீர்கள்...

நினைவுகள்...

சிலையைப் பார்ப்பது போல்
ஒருவருக்கொருவர் நாம்
முதன் முதலாய் பார்த்த
அவசர நொடிகள்!!!

ஒற்றை முதற்பரிசை
பகிர்ந்து கொண்டதும்
இணைந்துவிட்ட நம்
மன அலைகள்!!!

காதலிக்கிறேனஎன்று
நீயோ நானோ
சொல்லத்தேவையென்னவென்று
சொல்லிச் சிரித்த
கதவு ஓர முதல் முத்தம்!!!

மெய் ஞானம் முதல் முத்ததில் என்று
நம்மில் உதயமான ஞானம்!!!

சில நேர ஸ்பரிசங்கள் தந்த
பல நேர உணர்ச்சிகள் பொங்கியெழ
அதைக் கட்டுப்படுத்த
நாம் தவித்த தவிப்புகள்!!!

வெட்கத்தால் வேகமாய் நீ செல்ல
என் நினைவுகளின் இல்லத்திற்கு
ஓடிவந்து கொஞ்சும் உந்தன்
கொலுசு சங்கீதத்தை
ரசிக்கும் மலரும் நினைவுகள்!!!

எனக்காக...

உன் கண்களில்
ஈரம் இருந்தால்

எனக்காக ஒரு துளி...

என் உயிர் பிரியும்போது...

குளிர்கிறதே...

அக்னி வெயிலில் நடக்கையில்
எனக்கு மட்டும் குளிர்கிறதே...
உன்னை பார்க்க வருவதனால்தானா...

உன் கண்கள்...

நிலவொளியில் பணி பொழியும்...
உன் விழிகள் எத்தனை அழகு...
உன் கூர்மையான கண்கள்
என் உயிரை குத்ுதடி...

Puriyavillai???

Konjam Konjamai
Enakku Unnai Pidichirukku...
Yean Puriyavillai???

Konjam Konjamai
Enakkul Aasai Vandhathe...
Yean Puriyavillai???

Velaiyellam Maranthene...
Virumbiye Ninaithene...
Enakkulle Nulaindhaye...

Idhu Kadhal Thana...
Puriyavillai...???

Hikoo...

Aval Parvaiyil
Idari Vizhundhen...
Vazhukkal Manadhu..

Avalai...

Bhramman Padaithu
Maraithu Vaithaan...
Thappi Vantha Penndhaan
Aval Yenpean...

Yenthan Kannil
Vizhuntha Avalai
Inimeal Vealiyea Vidamattean...

En Kadhaliye...

Ulagathil
Anbai Ethanalum
Alakka Mudiyadhu
Enbadhai...
Purindhu Konden
Un Anbal...

THE BOSS

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead:

"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.


The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.

"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."


The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:

"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Coz . . ." he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it. . . ."

Student Vs Professor

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.

If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."

Magician and parrot

There was this magician who had a job on a cruise liner, entertaining the passengers with a nightly show. He was very successful in his job and there was always a full house at all his performances. Life was sweet. The money was rolling in, he had one of the best cabins, ate the best food, mixed with the best people. All was fine until one day the captain bought a parrot.


The highlight of the parrot's day was going along to see the magician in action in the evening. During the magician's performances, the parrot would watch him very carefully during each trick, and immediately after the magician had completed the trick the parrot would call out in a loud squark, " It's up his sleeve, it's up his sleeve," or, " It's down his trousers, it's down his trousers," each time ruining the magician's trick.


Well life was no longer as sweet and the magician started to struggle to satisfy the passengers. The magician naturally got very tired of the parrot and longed to kill it.


Then one night in the middle of the magician's performances, the ship hit an iceberg and sank. Everyone was killed except for the magician and the parrot. The magician managed to swim to a piece of wreckage, climbed aboard and collapsed. The parrot flew towards the magician and perched on the edge of the raft and stared at the magician.


For a whole day the magician was unconscious, and all this time the parrot did not take his eyes off him. Eventually the magician started to stir, and looked up not really knowing where he was or what had happened. He eventually found enough energy to sit up. He then noticed the parrot, who had not stopped focusing his eyes on him all this time.


"All right I give up ..." chirped the parrot, "... What have you done with the ship ?"

Here are the top most reply of a girl, when you propose her...

1) Nahi........ ......... ???

2) Chiiiii..... Kitne gande vichar hain tumhare..... ..

3) Maine tumhe sirf ek acche dost ki nazar se dekha hai ....

4) Mera pehle se ek boyfrnd hai....

5) Main in baton pe vishwas nahi karti, apne padhai pe dhyaan lagao...

6) tum abhi tak mujhe jaante kahan ho ?Yeh shayad infatuation hai....

7) Tumhara bank balance kitna hai…??

8) Magar last year to Maine tumhe raakhi baandhi thi ..hai naa..bhaiyya. .??

9) Mein abhi is relation ke liye mentally prepared nahi hoo....

10) Mein apne dady se pooch ke tumhe kaal answer karu…??

11) Itni is baat kehne ke liye itni der lagaa di??

12) Ye donon ke dil me hai na, to phir kya kehna!!

13) Sorry

14) "……Apna chehra kabhi aayine me dekha hai….. L…………………………… "

15) "Main toh tumhe apna Bhai maanati hu"

16) "Yes .. I too like you … (but hope you don't cheat on me ) " … (Which we guys most oftenly do )

17) Phele kyon nahi bataya AB tum late ho gaye ..

18) Tum agar pehle mile hote to sochti.

19) Tumhari himmat kaise hui mere baare mein aisa sochne ki… (probably followed by a slap)

20) Girl: mujhe sochna ka wakt do…

Guy: kitna wakt???(with hope)

Girl: saat janam

21) Mai ek shaadi shuda ladki hu ;-)

22) Mein tumhare chotte bhai se pyaar karti hoon…

23) Now that's a real tragedy….

Girl: Hee hee ……hee hee hee…..hee ….hee……hee……

Hee hee ……hee hee hee…..hee ….hee……hee……

24) Boy: I love U!

Gal: I don't think ABT all this before marriage.

25) Keep loving I don't care.

26) Tum mere liye kya kar sakte ho…

27) Kaun as number hai mera tumhare proposals ki history mein. Ha ha ha ha….

28) tumhe is nazar se kabhi dekha nahi

29) tumhare barre mein kabhi aisa socha nahi

30) mummy se pooch kar bataungi

31) mere bhaiyya se baat kar lo , who hi tumhe samajhayenge

32) Knyo, Tina NE "No" bola?

33) Lekin tum to Mina ke piche pade the, Kya usne thappad mara?

34) Kitne time ke liye -???

35) Worst one-- Jo bhi bolna hai jaldi bolo mera beta school se aata hoga..

36) Thanks. I love you, too.

37) Boy :- Sonya, I love U…..

Gal :- Sorry , Next 3 Months tak Waiting List chal rahi hai….

38) "What?"

39) "Let's just stay away from this"

40) My friend in college got one classic reply … "I THINK I'M ENGAGED"

41) "I think, I will have better options in future ..."

42)Mujhe tumse is baare mein koi baat nahi karni, then she starts ignoring, phir bhi nahi sudhare then she threatens via some common friends.

43) My Boy friend is very short Tempered. Beware of it.

44) like you as a friend but I never thought about us like this…cant we be just good friends for ever

45) Actually my younger sis likes you a lot. ..

46) My mummy does not like your family (if the family knows each other.) ..

47) "Why me?..Tumne mere meih essa kya dekha?..."she wants you to list down all the Good qualities that you even might have not seen in her. ...

48) SLAP !! ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS....it is said ..

49)hehe I didn't expect that from you....

50)nice joke ...

51)tum ladke kuchh or nahi soch sakte jaha ladki dekhi fisal gaye.....

52)achha tum bhi meine socha sirf harsh,nikhil, ravi, etc etc ko hi mujhme interest hai ..... And then walks on.......... ...

53)tumhe to purpose karna bhi nahi aata.... Peheli bari hai kya?? Koi baat nahi mein batati Hun ???...

Coming SOOOOnnnnnnnnn............