Sex Education

A elderly, single, third grade teacher was informed she would have to teach sex education.




She was quite upset and refused the assignment. She didn't think she would actually be able to talk about the subject. Eventually, she changed her mind as the alternative was to be fired.




On the first day of school she drew a woman's body on the blackboard, pointed to the chest and asked the class " Does anyone know what this is called?"




Jane, who was sitting in the first row, raised her hand and answered "It's called a 'breast' and my mommy has two of them!"




"Very good," said the teacher. Then she drew a male body on the board, pointed to the groin, and asked " Does anyone know what this is called?"




This time Billy raised his hand. "I know what it is! It's called a 'penis' and my daddy has two of them."




"That's the right name," said the teacher, but I don't think your daddy has two of them."




"Yes he does!" said Billy. "He has a little one that he uses to pee, and big one he brushes mommy's teeth with !"

Birthday Suit

It was 5 o'clock in the morning at the U.S. Marine boot camp, well below freezing,




And the soldiers were asleep in their barracks. The drill sergeant walked in and bellowed,




"This is a birthday suit inspection! I wanna see you all formed up outside and butt naked now!"




The soldiers quickly jumped out of bed, naked and shivering, and ran outside to form up in their three ranks.




The sergeant walked out and yelled, "Close up the ranks and conserve your body heat!" The soldiers complied and moved closer together.




The captain appeared with his swagger stick. He walked up to the first soldier and whacked him right across the chest. " Did that hurt?" he yelled. "No, Sir! " "Why not?" "Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"




The captain then walked up to the next soldier and whacked him right across the chest. " Did that hurt?" he yelled. "No, Sir!" "Why not?" "Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"




The captain was rather impressed with the toughness of the soldiers; so he walked up to a third soldier.




The captain noticed that the soldier had an enormous erection, so naturally he gave his target a huge whack with the swagger stick. " Did that hurt?" he yelled. "No, Sir! "




"Why not?" "Because it belongs to the guy behind me, Sir! "

ROMANTIC HUSBAND

Husband and wife in bed together.

She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.

She: "Oh, that feels good. "

His hand moves to her breast.

She: "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful."

His hand moves to her leg.

She: "Oh, honey, don't stop."

But he stops.

She: "Why did you stop?"

He: "I found the remote."

Ravan and Pappu

Once pappu started praying ravan and after 1 year Ravan was very happy from the bhakti of Pappu. Then Ravan decides to give 3 vardan's to Pappu.

Ravan: "say vatsa what u want"

Pappu: "I want 100 vardan's "

Ravan: "but I can give u only 3 varas "

Pappu: "but I want 100 vardan's"

Ravan: "no child that's not possible "

Pappu: "no I wants 100 means 100"

Ravan: "no I can give u only 3 if u wants then take or else I m going .."

Pappu: "ok but what I will ask u will give me definetly?"

Ravan: "sure its promise from rakshas raj ravana"

Pappu: "1st vardan, convert urs GADA on shoulder to wodden

Bamboo stick"

Ravan: "tathastu " and his gada turns into a stick.

Pappu: "second var, put that stick in ur a**hole"..deep inside..!!

Ravan: (confused but........ )"tathastu" and in great pain asks pappu to ask for the third vardan ASAP...

Pappu: "now are you giving me rest 97 varas or should I convert that stick again to GADA ??" --

Try to figure it out

See If You Can Figure Out What These Words Have In Common...... .

Banana

Dresser

Grammar

Potato

Revive

Uneven

Voodoo

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Are You Peeking Or Have You Already Given Up?
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Give It Another Try....













OK... Here You Go... Hope You Didn't Cheat.



This Is Cool.



SCROLL DOWN

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Answer:


In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word.

Did you figure it out?

Divorced Barbie

A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present.

He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager, "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"


The Manager replied, "Which one? We have
'Barbie goes to the gym' for $19.95,
'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95,
'Barbie goes shopping' for $19.95,
'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95,
'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95 and
'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00"


"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?, the father asked.

The store manager replied: "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat, Ken's furniture and all of Ken's savings."

Funny Meanings

Cigarette:

A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
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Love affairs:

Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
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Marriage:

It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
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Divorce:

Future tense of marriage
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Lecture:

An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
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Conference:

The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
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Compromise :

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
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Tears:

The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.. .
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Dictionary:

A place where divorce comes before marriage.
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Conference Room:

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
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Ecstasy:

A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
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Classic:

A book which people praise, but do not read.
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Smile:

A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
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Office:

A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
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Yawn:

The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
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Etc:

A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
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Committee:

Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
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Experience :

The name men give to their mistakes.
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Atom Bomb:

An invention to end all inventions.
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Philosopher :

A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
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Diplomat:

A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
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Opportunist:

A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
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Optimist :

A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.
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Pessimist:

A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
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Miser:

A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
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Father:

A banker provided by nature.
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Criminal:

A guy no different from the rest... Except that he got caught.
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Boss:

Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
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Politician:

One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
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Doctor:

A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills

THE BOSS

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead:

"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.


The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.

"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."


The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:

"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
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"Coz . . ." he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it. . . ."

Here are the top most reply of a girl, when you propose her...

1) Nahi........ ......... ???

2) Chiiiii..... Kitne gande vichar hain tumhare..... ..

3) Maine tumhe sirf ek acche dost ki nazar se dekha hai ....

4) Mera pehle se ek boyfrnd hai....

5) Main in baton pe vishwas nahi karti, apne padhai pe dhyaan lagao...

6) tum abhi tak mujhe jaante kahan ho ?Yeh shayad infatuation hai....

7) Tumhara bank balance kitna hai…??

8) Magar last year to Maine tumhe raakhi baandhi thi ..hai naa..bhaiyya. .??

9) Mein abhi is relation ke liye mentally prepared nahi hoo....

10) Mein apne dady se pooch ke tumhe kaal answer karu…??

11) Itni is baat kehne ke liye itni der lagaa di??

12) Ye donon ke dil me hai na, to phir kya kehna!!

13) Sorry

14) "……Apna chehra kabhi aayine me dekha hai….. L…………………………… "

15) "Main toh tumhe apna Bhai maanati hu"

16) "Yes .. I too like you … (but hope you don't cheat on me ) " … (Which we guys most oftenly do )

17) Phele kyon nahi bataya AB tum late ho gaye ..

18) Tum agar pehle mile hote to sochti.

19) Tumhari himmat kaise hui mere baare mein aisa sochne ki… (probably followed by a slap)

20) Girl: mujhe sochna ka wakt do…

Guy: kitna wakt???(with hope)

Girl: saat janam

21) Mai ek shaadi shuda ladki hu ;-)

22) Mein tumhare chotte bhai se pyaar karti hoon…

23) Now that's a real tragedy….

Girl: Hee hee ……hee hee hee…..hee ….hee……hee……

Hee hee ……hee hee hee…..hee ….hee……hee……

24) Boy: I love U!

Gal: I don't think ABT all this before marriage.

25) Keep loving I don't care.

26) Tum mere liye kya kar sakte ho…

27) Kaun as number hai mera tumhare proposals ki history mein. Ha ha ha ha….

28) tumhe is nazar se kabhi dekha nahi

29) tumhare barre mein kabhi aisa socha nahi

30) mummy se pooch kar bataungi

31) mere bhaiyya se baat kar lo , who hi tumhe samajhayenge

32) Knyo, Tina NE "No" bola?

33) Lekin tum to Mina ke piche pade the, Kya usne thappad mara?

34) Kitne time ke liye -???

35) Worst one-- Jo bhi bolna hai jaldi bolo mera beta school se aata hoga..

36) Thanks. I love you, too.

37) Boy :- Sonya, I love U…..

Gal :- Sorry , Next 3 Months tak Waiting List chal rahi hai….

38) "What?"

39) "Let's just stay away from this"

40) My friend in college got one classic reply … "I THINK I'M ENGAGED"

41) "I think, I will have better options in future ..."

42)Mujhe tumse is baare mein koi baat nahi karni, then she starts ignoring, phir bhi nahi sudhare then she threatens via some common friends.

43) My Boy friend is very short Tempered. Beware of it.

44) like you as a friend but I never thought about us like this…cant we be just good friends for ever

45) Actually my younger sis likes you a lot. ..

46) My mummy does not like your family (if the family knows each other.) ..

47) "Why me?..Tumne mere meih essa kya dekha?..."she wants you to list down all the Good qualities that you even might have not seen in her. ...

48) SLAP !! ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS....it is said ..

49)hehe I didn't expect that from you....

50)nice joke ...

51)tum ladke kuchh or nahi soch sakte jaha ladki dekhi fisal gaye.....

52)achha tum bhi meine socha sirf harsh,nikhil, ravi, etc etc ko hi mujhme interest hai ..... And then walks on.......... ...

53)tumhe to purpose karna bhi nahi aata.... Peheli bari hai kya?? Koi baat nahi mein batati Hun ???...