Birthday Suit

It was 5 o'clock in the morning at the U.S. Marine boot camp, well below freezing,




And the soldiers were asleep in their barracks. The drill sergeant walked in and bellowed,




"This is a birthday suit inspection! I wanna see you all formed up outside and butt naked now!"




The soldiers quickly jumped out of bed, naked and shivering, and ran outside to form up in their three ranks.




The sergeant walked out and yelled, "Close up the ranks and conserve your body heat!" The soldiers complied and moved closer together.




The captain appeared with his swagger stick. He walked up to the first soldier and whacked him right across the chest. " Did that hurt?" he yelled. "No, Sir! " "Why not?" "Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"




The captain then walked up to the next soldier and whacked him right across the chest. " Did that hurt?" he yelled. "No, Sir!" "Why not?" "Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"




The captain was rather impressed with the toughness of the soldiers; so he walked up to a third soldier.




The captain noticed that the soldier had an enormous erection, so naturally he gave his target a huge whack with the swagger stick. " Did that hurt?" he yelled. "No, Sir! "




"Why not?" "Because it belongs to the guy behind me, Sir! "

One liner Jokes

Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."

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"What did one ghost say to another?"
"Do you believe in people?"

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My friend has a fine watch dog.
At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.

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They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

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"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"
" Please wait someone else is using it."

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When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

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"Where did you get those big eyes?"
"They came with the face."

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I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls .

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But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.

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It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!

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"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."
"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."

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"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"
"Yes if you're lucky."

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A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.

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"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."

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I was thinking of becoming a doctor.
I have the handwriting for it.

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"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
" You're lucky. My wife does."

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We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.

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"What do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best. "

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"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"

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"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."

What Are They..!?

1) If we say 'MUMMY', they come together & go apart when we say DADDY':
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LIPS


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2) What goes up & never comes down:
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AGE


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3) Patches over patches but no stitches :
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CABBAGE


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4) What is that we cannot see, but is always before you:
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FUTURE


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5) What goes up & down a hill, but never moves:
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ROAD


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6) You can never wet it:
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SHADOW


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7) What belongs to You, but used by your friends more often you do:
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YOUR NAME

Doctors !

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.




The older doctor suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complained, " I've been a little sick to my stomach."



The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why don't you cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"

As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"




"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."


"Hmmm,!" the younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house."


Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did.

"I'm feeling terribly run down lately."




"You've probably been doing too much extra work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."

As they left, the elder doc said, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?




"Well, just like you did at the last house , I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed.

Hearing Problem

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid .

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.


Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her , and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.


"That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den.



He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens ." then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?" No response.



So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"



Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?"


Again he gets no response so; He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her.


"Honey, what's for dinner?"


"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN !"

Wife and Wine

A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him what Happened.


"I did a terrible thing ," sniffed the drunk, "Just a few hours ago I sold my Wife to someone for a bottle of Southern Comfort."


"That is awful," said the other guy, "And now that she is gone you want her back Right?"


"Right !" said the drunk, still crying.


"You're sorry you sold her because you realized, too late, that you still loved Her?"


"Oh, No, who the hell wants to love her," said the drunk. "I want her back Because I'm thirsty again!"

Wife and Whisky

A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him what Happened.


"I did a terrible thing ," sniffed the drunk, "Just a few hours ago I sold my Wife to someone for a bottle of Southern Comfort."


"That is awful," said the other guy, "And now that she is gone you want her back Right?"


"Right !" said the drunk, still crying.


"You're sorry you sold her because you realized, too late, that you still loved Her?"


"Oh, No, who the hell wants to love her," said the drunk. "I want her back Because I'm thirsty again!"

ROMANTIC HUSBAND

Husband and wife in bed together.

She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.

She: "Oh, that feels good. "

His hand moves to her breast.

She: "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful."

His hand moves to her leg.

She: "Oh, honey, don't stop."

But he stops.

She: "Why did you stop?"

He: "I found the remote."

The Secretary Interview

A boss has to interview four girls for a secretary's position.

He thought of a question and asked each one of them: "A woman normally has two mouths, What's the difference between the two?"

The first one answered: One can talk but the other can't.

Second answered: one is vertical and the other is horizontal.

Third answered: one is hairy, the other isn't.

The last one answered: One is for my use and the other is for my boss.

Boss: You're hired!

Ravan and Pappu

Once pappu started praying ravan and after 1 year Ravan was very happy from the bhakti of Pappu. Then Ravan decides to give 3 vardan's to Pappu.

Ravan: "say vatsa what u want"

Pappu: "I want 100 vardan's "

Ravan: "but I can give u only 3 varas "

Pappu: "but I want 100 vardan's"

Ravan: "no child that's not possible "

Pappu: "no I wants 100 means 100"

Ravan: "no I can give u only 3 if u wants then take or else I m going .."

Pappu: "ok but what I will ask u will give me definetly?"

Ravan: "sure its promise from rakshas raj ravana"

Pappu: "1st vardan, convert urs GADA on shoulder to wodden

Bamboo stick"

Ravan: "tathastu " and his gada turns into a stick.

Pappu: "second var, put that stick in ur a**hole"..deep inside..!!

Ravan: (confused but........ )"tathastu" and in great pain asks pappu to ask for the third vardan ASAP...

Pappu: "now are you giving me rest 97 varas or should I convert that stick again to GADA ??" --

Try to figure it out

See If You Can Figure Out What These Words Have In Common...... .

Banana

Dresser

Grammar

Potato

Revive

Uneven

Voodoo

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Are You Peeking Or Have You Already Given Up?
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Give It Another Try....













OK... Here You Go... Hope You Didn't Cheat.



This Is Cool.



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Answer:


In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word.

Did you figure it out?